this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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