I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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