Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
