I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
