You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
