I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
