my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
should my penis look like a turkey
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
