there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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