I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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