he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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