mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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