Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
