I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize