I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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