My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
