Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
