hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate all girls vehemently.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
