The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Text me some of your sweat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
