soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
