Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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