He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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