i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
