Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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