nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
