butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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