My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
