I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
