how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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