My cat gives me a boner
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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