a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
