All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
