Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
