I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
