Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
