shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
