In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
