Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
