sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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