Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
