my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
