can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
