i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
