i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
