Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
