I wannas sexs uuuuu
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
