Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
