And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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