Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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