oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
