i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
