I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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