its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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