for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
