if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
