I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i have herpe
just one?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
where does the pee come out of this thing
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
