You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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