one two three fourrrrnication!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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