Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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