i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
