So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
