I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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