I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I deserve this hangover.
God, I missed his penis.
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