first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
