3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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