Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
