Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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