The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
