So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
