the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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