I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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