He kissed a someone with a penis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
