I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
