Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
