Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
