We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
