Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
