I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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