Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So squirting runs in the family.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
